So far, every social network I’ve joined has started out great. At first you have only that cutting edge group of friends in your network. Together, you share great stuff and all is most right with the world. Then the network becomes more popular. As more people join, the network that was once a fun hangout has become the single place where that bully from high school, your sad cousin, and your mother can annoy you on a daily basis.
Facebook has now reached a point where it’s almost intolerable to visit. So, if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em. Here are 8 ways you can annoy your friends on Facebook.
1. Post messages about sad or angry family situations
Are you feeling angry with your spouse or child? Don’t take the time to actually talk to them and work it out. Instead, post your feelings all on Facebook. Whine and complain about your husband not cleaning the house. So your teenage son doesn’t want to go to school? Chastise him in front of your friends and hope he will will read it too. After a few months of this type of passive aggressiveness, they’ll eventually get the clue!
2. Post cryptic messages nobody will understand for attention
A single sentence is usually enough. Be sure to make your post sad enough that you’ll get enough attention. If that doesn’t work for you, post something negative that makes all of your friends think it’s about them. When one of your friends asks you about your post, reply that you “don’t want to talk about it.”
- “Tired of the crap!”
- “I can’t handle this anymore!”
- “That a**hole is gonna get it!”
3. Tag people on photos they aren’t in
Did you come across a cool meme most people already saw back in 2003? Be sure everybody sees it again by tagging every friend you have. It doesn’t matter that the purpose of tagging is to identify the people in photos. Your friend can’t live without seeing that funny image you found, and this is the best way to make sure they see it.
4. Post about your latest business venture
From weight loss products to cosmetics. If you might make a commission from it, your friends want to know all about it. Post about it everywhere you can. Your own timeline, your friend’s wall, other business pages, and photo comments. Anywhere it can be seen.
5. Post your stance on the latest political issues
Oh you support the right to bear arms? Be sure to post at least 6 text statuses and 8 sarcastic meme images about your stance on your timeline each day.
6. Post untrue information you didn’t bother to research
Copy and paste a story you pulled from another friend or a webpage. Assume the information is true and post it as your status. Also be sure to include the part that says “90% of people won’t repost this message because they are a**holes.”
7. Constantly send requests to friends to play games.
Your friend may not have seen the first 900 requests you sent to play “Alien Sheep F**ker”. Better send an invitation to them 5,000 more times.
8. Constantly Post updates about the game you’re playing.
Friends won’t be able to move on with their lives until they’ve learned you scored 1,500 points on Bejeweled.
So start doing these 8 things right now. If you use these 8 tips on being annoying on Facebook, you’re well on your way to making that friend count lower and lower.